I have always considered my community, The Sydney Gay Community a large family, some of us feel like we are distantly related and some of us are like close relations , as relationships bloom some of us become like in-laws, and many of us are like immediate nuclear family units, and like with many relatives even when we don’t like each other we still love each other – the community is famously known to be very clannish especially to outsiders and I believe this is why.
So when someone within the family passes away, we feel a sense of loss and a sense of grief according to our close or distant relationship.
This weekend I feel like a beloved relative, a favourite nephew has passed away, and I feel heavy loss and I feel a deep grief.
I feel injustice that such a a good human being with a beautiful soul was taken from us unintentionally and so young, it is such a great waste of human equity and potential, his goodness touched so many hearts in so many different ways.
I loved to tease him with affection, it was because I loved him and I adored his beautiful honest heart.
We were not the closest of friends because we only met in the last couple of years, but I loved him like a relation as if I had known him his whole life, like a relative I had a soft spot for, it is difficult to explain because I am still exploring and processing this grief I am feeling and sense of loss.
I don’t measure friendships by depth or by standard, I love all my friends the same way and value all friends equally, deeply and with love. Because we are family.
So it is with love and with grief and with gratitude that I write this farewell.
As you prepare to make your final journey to the stars, we prepare to say goodbye to you, I thank you for being pure of heart, kind and generous, and as you take your final sleep I pray you rest eternally in peace surrounded by the light and the love of the universe.
Katherine Wolfgramme transitioned over thirty years ago, she is a proud transgender woman of colour with a breadth of knowledge that is unique among other gender diverse speakers. Through her engaging story telling Katherine shares her experiences as a child born with gender dysphoria, a trans youth, a transgender woman in full bloom and now a transgender elder, community mother and Sydney Lgbt Community Leader.
Katherine’s story is a journey of discrimination and disappointment, of heartache and triumph, of failure and success told with charisma and style unique only to her, with wisdom and experience she also interweaves facts both historical and current in such a way you shall be enriched by the experience.
Katherine has created positive impacts for the transgender community both in Australia and abroad culminating in a Fellowship at The Royal Society for Arts (RSA) a global network of Positive Impact Makers who’s past Fellows include Charles Dickens and Louis Pasteur and current fellows include Julia Gillard and Barrack Obama. The RSA President is HRH Princess Anne, The Princess Royal and The RSA Patron is Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.
Katherine has served on several boards including Wear It Purple, Sydney Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras and Sydney Transgender Day of Remembrance and has also served as The Ambassador of the Gender Centre. Katherine is currently serving on the advisory committee of Qtopia, Sydney’s Pride Museum due to open in 2023.
Glamorous, articulate and informative Katherine’s unique style of education has won her much acclaim in the corporate diversity and inclusion speaking circuit in Australia, culminating in the Inspirational Role Model of the Year award at the prestigious Australian LGBT Awards in 2019 and numerous nominations including The Honour Awards
Katherine is a Public Speaker, a Brand Ambassador, a Transgender Awareness Educator, Journalist, Media Personality and esteemed nationally respected Transgender Advocate in Australia.
Miss Katherine Wolfgramme FRSA receives a strong result for the Australian Trans Community
A great outcome has been achieved for the Transgender Community and its Allies earlier this year, settling a complaint against The Australian with the Anti-Discrimination Board. The basis of the complaint was that an article published under The Australian’s ‘Gender Issues’ column incited serious contempt for transgender people.
Miss Katherine Wolfgramme FRSA, award winning trans advocate and gender diversity consultant, believes strongly in educating the wider community on the issues transgender people face and raising awareness of the distress such publications cause.
As Miss Wolfgramme recalled:
“I transitioned over thirty years ago when there were no rights for my community. I and other trans advocates strive to help pave the way for future generations to be happy without persecution – as my trans elders and trans ancestors strove to pave the way for us now.
None of these things can be achieved without stronger allies, in the legal and political and corporate arena who stand in front of us when we cannot speak, stand beside us when we cannot be brave and stand behind us to give us a platform so our voices can be heard; and I would like to take this opportunity to thank you all for how far we have come and continue to go.”
Following conciliation, The Australian agreed to both amend the headline of the article and publish an Editor’s note to the online article. This is a strong result for the transgender community. It not only provides necessary context to the article’s commentary, but importantly acknowledges the harm the transgender community and its Allies consider the article caused.
The outcome of the complaint provides a clear reminder that words and the context in which they are used matters. The significant impact felt by the transgender community and their experience of minority stress cannot be overstated.
Miss Wolfgramme would like to thank The Australian for:
“acknowledging the community stress and distress their articles may have caused and their grace in deciding to publicly acknowledge that and take action to help change the narrative.
Slowly, slowly with each generation we are all learning to accept each other’s differences more kindly and it is my hope that one day all media outlets will learn to be more respectful and kind towards people of all genders and all diversities.”
The Editor’s note is published as follows:
“The original version of this article carried the headline “Health chiefs can’t ignore ‘global epidemic’ of transgender teens”, but following concerns raised by Miss Katherine Wolfgramme on behalf of the transgender community and its Allies, who considered the article could cause harm to the transgender community, The Australian has chosen to amend the headline to read, “Health chiefs can’t ignore ‘global epidemic’ of transgender teens, inquiry told” to clarify the headline was reporting on submissions to a Queensland Parliamentary Inquiry.”
Clyde & Co is proud to support the LGBT Community through our Pryde network (also referred to as ‘Pryde & Co’) and wish to further the important goal of educating the larger community about the issues that LGBTIQ+ people face.
I have been officially awarded a Fellowship at The RSA – The Royal Society of Arts Manufactures & Commerce, the Fellowship is a global network of change-makers who have created positive impacts for their communities. I will now have access to financial and social support for possible future community endeavors for the betterment of my community particularly in education and employment.
It is an honor and a privilege to be entrusted with this award which is in recognition of my trans advocacy, trans education and trans awareness training programs.
In 2019 I was invited by a young film maker still at university to feature in her short film on feminist intersectionality, not out of feminism but because of the earnest good intention of the film maker did I agree to the project, I was already heavily laden with speaking engagements, social events, community based volunteer work and board meetings with various boards and committees I belonged to, so even though I felt reluctant, saying no would have made me feel like I had killed Bambi.
Filming with the girls was a treat for us all as The Pullman Hyde Park generously lent me a suite for my filming location and I was also dressed by Camilla for the occasion.
At Intersections has been shown at short film festivals around the world and has garnered nominations and awards for Fern Mei Sim, I hope you enjoy this delightful short film documenting the diversity of LGBT Feminist Intersectionality.
I also wish Fern Mei Sim a fruitful and successful career in Filmmaking as she goes forth into the film industry.
Even though I have stepped down as Board Member and Public Officer of the Wear It Purple Board, I am still a part of the Wear It Purple Family, I had a really beautiful experience today, and I feel very blessed for it.
I participated in a short film about inter-generations, my portion was a conversation with a young man called Billee who transitioned a year ago..I transitioned 10 years before he was born, and through gentle conversation we learned so much about each other.
I often worry about the future of the Trans Community because of a very angry and vocal and dominant Trotsky inspired queer identifying minority, who I even question are actually transgender.
Transgender people according to the World Health Organisation do not have mental health illness, but the madness and insanity this vocal minority is trying to indoctrinate as Trans has connotations of Dissociative Personality Disorder and Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) – I also believe this vocal minority are trying to use the Transgender platform for their own agenda, which is embedded in an extreme left political ideology that is more queer theory, and this is definitely not Trans.
But meeting Billee and chatting with him reminded me of my duty to protect trans youth and trans children because true transgender people are peaceful and beautiful souls, and once transitioned are at peace.
I looked into Billee’s beautiful young face, and I saw peace and love and a beautiful spirit.
If the Transgender Community is led by good people like Billee in the future, then the future of the Transgender Community will be ok.
The film is a collaboration by Facebook, Instagram, Junkee Media and Wear It Purple.
“Stand Up, Stand Out” will be released next week for Wear It Purple Day.
Anexcerpt of my memoirs which I am currently writing.
Before my transition, in the depths of my greatest misery, in the darkness where there is no light, no hope of future, no escape, only defeat and distress – I dreamed a dream.
“I am an adult and I am in a
bedroom with a man, we are getting ready for a party, we can hear our guests
downstairs socialising and enjoying the night. I look at the bedroom door just
past the modern four poster timber bed and I say to the man “we had better go
down stairs, they are waiting for us, please put my necklace on for me”, he
gently places the necklace around my neck. “Thank you”, I turn to leave the
room and the man stops me, and says “Wait, look in the mirror, you are so
beautiful”, I turn to look in the mirror, and there I am, a woman, not just a
woman but a beautiful woman wearing a most beautiful necklace that surrounded
me in the most beautiful iridescent light I had ever seen”
My eyes opened, I am filled with peace, I am filled with strength. I have seen myself. I have seen my future. I will be fine.
It really is an honour to be nominated for any award, especially one so prestigious as the Australian LGBTI Awards, I was already so happy with that – imagine my shock when my name was called as the winner of Inspirational Role Model of the Year, and just to add the cherry to my sundae, Wear It Purple won best Community Initiative.
I would like to take this opportunity to acknowledge and congratulate my fellow Wear It Purple Board Directors – President Ross Wetherbee, Vice President Marc Field, Treasurer Alex Stefan, Secretary Gemma Allen, Brock Galway, Robbie Robertson, Pete Foley and Brenna Harding.
Wear It Purple is driven by our youth, I would like to also acknowledge the hard work of our Youth Action Council and Executive Committee who have worked tirelessly through the year to empower and bring hope to rainbow youth across Australia, we dedicate this award to you.
I would like to also acknowledge past president Matt Janssen for his tireless efforts last year.
It is very important to also thank our former Wear It Purple Patrons who paved the way and opened doors for our organisation Dr Kerryn Phelps and her wife Jackie Stricker Phelps.
It was really wonderful to see other strong trans people win awards in other categories including Mama Alto for Best Artist, Jordan Raskapoulos for Local Hero and Georgie Stone for Hero, it was a great day for trans visibility, and high time that gender diverse people be finally acknowledged for their contributions to our wonderful LGBTI Community.
I have always been fascinated by my own reflection, I do not believe it is because I am vain, I believe it is because I transitioned into a woman and during that journey I struggled so hard, and I fought so hard to achieve my goal that I celebrate that now by cataloguing my evolution from the very beginning going now into aging.
You could say my Gender Dysphoria has become Gender Euphoria!
Many artists have tried to capture a part of me over the years, which has always thrilled and flattered me.
I wanted to share some portraits of me from over the years in different mediums and styles, there are more I may share at a later date.
I enjoy the process of sitting for a portrait, and I find what other people see in me so different to what I see in myself – and that can be very interesting.
Here are a few portraits by artists over the decades.
Yiorgos Zefirou and I collaborated on a series of photgraphic portraits in the Grotesque Style in 2018, I enjoyed the process immensely.
*Trigger Warning* In advance I would like to apologise to any transpeople who are triggered by the word "tranny", I have had to use this word to make my case very clear and I would like to warn anyone that will be affected to not read the contents of this article.
This will be the very first and last Opinion Piece I will publicly write about the problem with the word “Tranny“.
On Friday I was sent a legal letter from a property lawyer acting as a defamation lawyer on behalf of his friend – a certain drag queen by the name of Penny Tration, aka flight attendant Daniel Floyd, the owner of a business formerly known as Tranny Bingo.
The letter extolled a list of complaints the (misled but well intentioned) lawyer told me my actions to expose the word “tranny’ as an insulting and debasing word to transwomen had failed and the legal action I took (sending of legal letters to cease and desist using the word “Tranny”) wasn’t a legal action, “Tranny” was not insulting, also the former Human Rights Commissioner told Daniel he could legally use the word. I legally didn’t have a leg to stand on. The anti discrimination law didn’t protect me. The anti vilification laws didn’t protect me etc. And to remove the Facebook post shaming Mr Floyd.
This letter was in retaliation to my exposing Mr Daniel Floyd publicly on Facebook for his decision to degrade my person by calling me a man and making fun of my proud pacific island lineage on social media while being heavily intoxicated.
My interpretation of the question the legal letter posed to me was why should I be so angry? Who do I think I am? How dare I shame someone who disrespects and makes fun of me, a transgender woman on a public forum by shaming him in return? And why should I a transgender woman be surprised that he would disrespect me by calling me a man after running “Tranny Bingo” for 17 years and everything else he caused to debase and dehumanise the trans population? He who claims to “respect trans people”.
Of all his many years of cyber bullying others he has never been so insulted in all his life, the irony was not lost to me.
I fired a very rude letter back telling the lawyer that all I wanted was an apology. Daniel’s (property) lawyer (friend acting as a “defamation lawyer”) told me he advised his client that he could not apologise because that would be admitting guilt – he cannot apologise for calling me a man and making fun of my proud Fijian heritage because that would be an admission of his guilt. Even though he did it, and I have witnesses to prove it, interesting. And very bad advice.
The biased and ill informed lawyer also tried to point out that our disagreements were dividing the community and I was being selfish. And to stop it. I mean how dare I demand to be respected. How dare I show other trans people how to demand respect. How dare I upset the apple-cart by demanding equality?
It all goes back to that word “Tranny”, so I am going to spend the rest of this post explaining why the word “Tranny” is so incredibly insulting to most transwomen in Australia and abroad.
Unfortunately the general public is often confused between transpeople and drag queens, some people cannot see any difference at all, and here lies the problem.
Transgender/Transsexual: Someone who identifies and has transitioned physically to the gender which is opposite to their physical gender at birth. Trans people most often permanently live as the gender they identify with. Some transwomen do drag shows for artistic purposes, but generally they identify as showgirls, not drag queens. The most famous Australian trans showgirl is Carlotta.
Drag Queen: A man who dresses as a woman for entertainment purposes aka female impersonator, drag artist, theatrical or cabaret performer. Drag queens live and identify as men when not in drag. Drag is a traditional art form associated with gay culture globally. The most famous Australian drag queen is Courtney Act.
Female Impersonator: An actor who is male who takes on a female character for artistic purposes. Australia’s most famous female impersonator is Barry Humphreys and his alter-ego Dame Edna Everage. Some drag queens identify as female impersonators but not all.
Transvestite: a person, typically a man, who derives sexual pleasure from dressing in clothes primarily associated with the opposite sex. Often referred to as a kinky pleasure rather than an identity or art form. The best known transvestite would be Dr Frank N Furter from the musical The RockyHorror Show. It is very rare for a drag queen or female impersonator to also be a transvestite.
The Trans Umbrella: Since the amalgamation of T with LGB, Trans has come to represent far more than just binary trans-men and trans-women which was historically the case. Trans now includes non-binary (people who do not identify as either gender) and a very small percent of the transgender population are gender fluid and gender queer (people who identify as every gender and enjoy and vocally celebrate confrontational labels such as tranny as a part of their identity). The best known gender queer person in Australia is Norrie. Some drag queens identify themselves under the trans umbrella and occasionally eventually transition. It is mainly young transwomen and many transmen who find the term tranny offensive, because 1) Young trans-women are exposed daily to the slur as a form of abuse, and 2) Many trans-men remember the misogyny they experienced before transition so understand the connotations of the situation.
Origin of the word Tranny
The origin of the word Tranny is very simple, Transsexual was way too long to say in casual conversation so we abbreviated the word so it was quick and easy, it was never a word we would use outside of the trans community but it was a word we could use to identify each other in a most casual but non offensive way. Nobody outside the trans community used the word twenty years ago. Tranny was never short for transvestite.
The misappropriation of the word “Tranny” was not sudden, it was eventual. Drag queens found it hilarious and fun to say, in fact around 1999 I remember they started calling each other trannies in nightclubs and bars in Sydney, they found it extremely naughty, funny and catchy.
Some entrepreneurial drag queens, who were female impersonators or drag artists – but definitely not trans, decided it would be fantastic marketing for their drag bingo, two-up, and other events designed not for the lgbt community but the general public, after all, Tranny was so taboo and naughty. They were right, the branding did catch on. Their events gave the general public permission to not only use the word but also make fun of the drag queens on stage who were making fun of themselves – as trannies, not drag queens. For 17 years.
Permission for the general public to use the word was not given from the trans community, it came from the drag community.
Two decades on and Tranny is universally considered to be a word which is a derogatory slang towards Transgender Women in most English language dictionaries.
The reason it is considered a derogatory slang now is simple, non trans people will use the word to debase a transgender woman if they are angry with her or they don’t like her, it is also used during physical and verbal abuse as if to justify their hatred and violence towards her. It is often the last word a victim hears before she regains her consciousness in hospital.
The word Tranny is now used as a weapon of hate towards transgender women.
Language is important,and language can hurt, it has been used as a weapon to oppress others since the dawn of time.
Time and again trans people and trans organisations came forward to let Daniel know this was offensive to trans people, in public they would say “we are open to discussion” in private those requests fell on deaf ears.
Daniel and Tranny Bingo first gained media attention in 2014 because Indiana Edwards, a trans activist decided to take them on, she organised a picket protest and challenged them on TV and in the media – Even then, Daniel (dressed as his sparkly and fun alter ego Penny) said “we are happy todiscuss this”. Unsurprisingly when the cameras were off nothing happened.
The media were very unkind toward Indiana, who was just trying to do the right thing.
One Tranny Bingo hostess wrote to me last November “I hated standing up for Tranny Bingo whenever a trans person would come up and complain to me, because I hated having to stand behind something I didn’t support, and the thing is I know you’re fine using the word if its used amongst sisters, but using it the way Penny was it was not ok because non sisters were using it”
A former bingo hostess privately wrote in an email ” I have not been a part of those events for over 12 months and a lot of soul searching in that time has led me to the truth that if the word hurts so many it is not my right to use that word – its not ok”
Why I Took Legal Action Against Friends.
I entered Sydney’s drag community in 1995, I was a showgirl and did drag shows in clubs on Oxford Street, I have always loved and had the greatest respect for the drag community because it is somewhere I have always belonged and been welcomed. Most trans showgirls within the drag community don’t find the word Tranny offensive, even I didn’t until very recently.
In 2017 a young transwoman and member of the social group I was Admin for posted her outrage about a large sign saying “Tranny Bingo” outside a hotel in Balmain. She said she went in and asked to speak to the manager, she told the manager that the word Tranny was offensive, he replied it was ok because the drag queens hosting the event were “trannies”, she said no they are not, and she was trans and she was offended – to which the manager curtly said “The sign is staying up”.
Complaints continued to be pathologically ignored and the word that is so expressly insulting to many was displayed in public for all to see on a busy road. This may not seem outrageous to non trans people, but to transpeople who are regularly maligned and oppressed verbally by the word, this triggered not only bad memories but also sent a sense of dread and helpless outrage through a community who were already marginalized and defenceless. It was insensitive and insulting to people who had already made their feelings very clear and had been pathologically ignored. This sign stood for oppression to many transpeople.
A new admin to the page of the group I adminned also posted something about it on our public page, he cited his outrage and his partner’s rage who also confronted the manager, I told him he couldn’t do that on the page because as admin we had to remain neutral, he would not back down so I deleted his post. I was very uncomfortable being placed in that position without my consent, tranny was never a word I personally had a problem with. That is until just before this incident when I was verbally attacked on Oxford St by a group of men hurling a string of abuses at me which included “f___ing filthy tranny, nothing but a stupid tranny, disgusting tranny you should be ashamed of yourself”. Those thugs left me quite unsettled, never before had I heard the word “Tranny” being used with such hatred and violent fury.
Afterwards one of the senior hosts of Tranny Bingo and former friend privately messaged me and personally thanked me for defending them, I said it was something that needs to be discussed to which she replied “we are always open to discussion”.
I realised then, that I had heard this dialogue four years ago on television, in newspapers and on social media – they definitely were not open to discussion, otherwise the past complainants would have been heard.
It was the sheer arrogance of a non trans person telling transpeople where, when and if they would decide they were going to continue insulting them or not that I found most astounding.
The problem was none of the complainants were known to the LGBT Community so their complaints could quickly be swept under a carpet or they could just be called trouble makers and their complaints were soon forgotten. Change could only happen if someone with a voice from within our community came forward.
So, I decided to do something about it.
On my behalf, pro bono, three lawyers from Allens Linklaters, a major commercial law firm sent legal letters to all businesses advertising and holding Tranny Bingo on their premises and the owner of Tranny Bingo to cease and desist using the word because it is offensive and hurtful.
I was not going to nicely ask a non trans person to stop using the word Tranny, because the establishments and Daniel Floyd had been asked very nicely for years to no avail. The other reason I did not ask was because the word did not belong to the drag community, it belonged to the trans population – because they were the tran(nie)s.
Some older transwomen are proud to call themselves a tranny, they fought very hard to exist in a time when they were not allowed to, and all power to them, but they generally wont accept strangers calling them that. I too am a stakeholder of the word as are all other transpeople, I don’t have issue with transwomen wanting to take ownership of the word, if it empowers them then fantastic. But it doesn’t empower all transpeople, only a few, and to my way of thinking , you cannot own a word until it is taken possession of it from those who had hijacked it.
When I talk about ownership of a word think about the “N” word. Some Afro Americans have decided to call each other “N”s – but they wont hear of anyone else using the word.
There is also a parallel to “blackface’, white people covered in black boot polish and dressing up as afro Americans and making fun of themselves – they are not making fun of white people, they are making fun of black people. So too was tranny bingo, they were men DRessed As Girls calling themselves Trannies and making fun of themselves.
What I was demanding was very simple. I was demanding respect, which is the equality everyone is spouting about.
Again Daniel used the opportunity to promote his events claiming he was a victim and 17 years of tradition was at stake and the Aussie Battler was under threat, lapping up the media attention with newspaper, online magazine and radio interviews. Attempting to confuse the public by claiming to be a transvestite. Even one of the hotels stated they would “fight on”.
A former Human Rights Commissioner told him he could legally use the word, that there was no law stopping him from holding the event, this is quite different to the Human Rights Commissioner telling him it wasn’t insulting or hurtful, or morally wrong.
There was definitely a furore on social media among our friends who didn’t, and shouldn’t have to take sides.
I had never been publicly called a troll, a bitch or a trouble maker before. I was called militant,a word Nazi and many other things from a piranha to a worm.
Quite Ironic considering for almost thirty years prior to this I was considered by the very same people to be kind, beautiful, understanding, genuinely nice and always coming from a good place.
By some I was misogynised, by others demonised but most importantly by most I was sympathised with – to them what I was saying made perfect sense.
The final Outcome
Whilst dealing with the stress of social media attacks and so many friends being furious with me for upsetting the apple cart, I remained strong and stood by my actions.
Gradually all the main organisations within the LGBT Community acknowledged that “Tranny” was indeed derogatory slang used to debase transwomen.
Everyone now knows this word is offensive, and when they use it they do so with the full knowledge that it is hurtful.
There are no longer any businesses in any state in Australia hosting events using the word “Tranny”.
The trash media persists in using the derogatory slang in their headlines and that is to sell more papers at the cost of persistently dehumanising women within the trans community. But one day very soon they too will have to stop. It is such a shame that it will be under force and not by their own volition.
Language changes, some words that were once acceptable in polite society are now considered awful and inconceivable to most young people that these words could ever have been found to be acceptable in the first place. That is evolution.
I gave a voice to those people within the trans community who did not have the courage or aptitude or public profile to stand up for themselves, I bought this issue to everyone’s attention which was previously swept under the carpet for nearly two decades.
That’s why I sleep well at night, because I did the right thing.
Daniel at the end of the day also did the right thing, he changed the name of his bingo event to Gender Bender Bingo.
Why is Observing IDAHOBT on Wednesday May 17 Important?
IDAHOBT stands for International Day Against Homophobia, Biphobia and Transphobia.
I have heard on more than one occasion the question “Why is there still a need to observe LGBT dates?” – even occasionally by LGBT people.
I presume after marriage equality people think we finally have equality but in actuality we don’t, we exist in a fragile truce where the people who wish to not tolerate LGBT people are forced to remain silent by laws that can be easily overturned in parliament.
The truth is nothing is assured, and on occasion this fragile “truce” shows cracks, particularly recently in the last few months have proven. One need only look to media reports and we see in Melbourne Anti Transgender Rights protesters join with Neo Nazis, a visually horrifying image especially for transgender people to see a Nazi salute in front of Parliament to show their hate for transgender people, and then in the aftermath the media make their anti transgender sentiments a mere after thought – nobody mentions the possible physical danger this vigilante group and their ilk and their allies present to vulnerable transgender people in the outer suburbs and rural Australia, and how these sentiments can trickle down to the school ground to transgender children being bullied in schools.
In Sydney, we saw peaceful LGBT protesters being violently bashed by men in black from a conservative and violent religious sect in a coordinated and premeditated attack, we saw you LGBT young people surrounded by hundreds of men and being punched and then “dragged away by their hair”, a directive that was broadcast online via the internet the day before.
Even political leaders are not safe from homophobic vitriol, the much respected and admired openly gay Independent Alex Greenwhich was a victim of a public homophobic smear assault on more than one occasion from the problematic leader of the problematic political party One Nation, who coincidentally was appearing at the place where the LGBT young people in Sydney were violently assaulted only weeks before.
There are also rising incidents of verbal and physical attacks towards transgender people, gay people and drag queens on Oxford Street, the spiritual heart of Australia’s Gay Community.
Whilst these negative incidents are happening in Australia it is even more worrying when you consider the Australian LGBT Population is considered one of the safest in the world, imagine what other LGBT Populations are experiencing internationally who do not have the laws that are meant to protect us in Australia?
Let us not forget these incidents were sparked by Posie Parker, a visitor who was allowed to come into the country to openly teach, encourage and also gave permission to these people to openly show their hatred towards us, who encouraged alliances with the Neo Nazis and other violent extremists – and that she enjoyed police protection the whole time she was in Australia at the cost of the Australian taxpayer – us.
This Wednesday on May 17 as we observe IDAHOBT, hopefully you will understand a little better why this date and other LGBT Days through the year is still important, because these dates are still so important as markers to spread education so that hopefully one day tolerance and true equality can exist so we can all feel happy and safe regardless of identity, sexuality or gender.
I am exhausted from all the media surrounding transgender people, I am tired of people who are not transgender taking up the cause to do battle both for and against transgender people, often people doing more damage than good for the greater transgender population, using the platform as a stage for attention and other agendas.
I am exhausted by the misinformation and objectification of people who object to the existence of transgender people, likening us to militant bullies violently trying to bash women in the sporting arena and take over women’s spaces, trying to brainwash children and trying to threaten men’s masculinity and women’s rights.
I am exhausted by misinformation in the media trying to falsely claim the latest gunman in America was a Transgender Woman.
I am exhausted by people trying to claim transgender people are contagious like a disease.
I am exhausted by people trying to label transgender women as pedofiles.
I am exhausted about worrying for transgender women who live away from the safety of the cities and what this new wave of hate can result in for them, bashings, rape, verbals and physical assaults, open discrimination – because before equality this is what transgender women had to put up with daily, I remember those dark days because I too was a victim of those horrors of the past, and I assure you, it was horrific.
And most of all I am exhausted worrying about transgender children and transgender youth at school being targeted by this new wave of volatile vitriol toward a very fragile and vulnerable minority within the Australian population.
The visibility and rights of transgender population was erased from history for over a millennia and now people are trying to erase our visibility once again, and it exhausts me.
Often after watching or reading something anti transgender in the media I stop and suddenly cry, my grief is exhausting, my worry is exhausting and my stress is exhausting. I am EXHAUSTED.
I ask if any of you reading this blog know or work with transgender people to consider our community stress and community fatigue at this time, this is a terrible time for all transgender people, parents of transgender children, families and friends of transgender people and try to consider us with the grace of understanding and kindness at this difficult time.
The last few weeks of intolerance promoted towards transgender people in Australia through ignorance and misinformation shows just how important Transgender Day of Visibility still is.
Through days such as March 31 it is important for transgender people to be visible to help other transgender people feel supported, it is also a day for our allies to show their support and also promote education so ignorance and misinformation can be diminished to towards the transgender population which still remains one of the most vulnerable and marginalised populations within Australian Society.
I worry for transgender people who have chosen to live away from the CBD and in rural areas and young transgender people in schools across the country who are now being exposed to intolerance and bullying once again.
I worry that these new vigilante groups dressed in black will now attack transgender people on the streets and try to silence and force my community back into hiding. In effect to erase us once again.
Even I have concerns for my own personal safety now going forward.
Equality is so tantalisingly close for my community and we have come so far in such a short time.
Never more so do I feel Transgender Day of Visibility is important to show support, to empower, educate and above all convey the humanity of my community to the broader community.
On March 31, please stand with us and support and celebrate international Transgender Day of Visibility on March 31.
Being born transgender I have found that there is so much to forgive others for, from childhood, adolescence and into adulthood, but sometimes we bury painful things so deep, we often forget about them until the day they come back to haunt us and there is nothing we can do but accept that it happened, be sad and breath again.
Life is about overcoming hardships and making the best of things that we cannot change until we reach a place of peace.
I have found my place of peace but this week I have had to look back on the most painful experience of my life, because the morning before New Years Eve at 9.30am in New Zealand my biological father died and being buried 9.30am NZ time tomorrow.
My mother sent me to live with him, a man I did not know and his extended family inFiji when I was 14 to iron me out and make a man of me, for two years I was physically and mentally abused, a kind of home made conversion therapy, I felt imprisoned with no escape – I don’t wish to relive the horror or the pain. But I need to finally accept that this happened.
I am a spiritual person, deeply spiritual in fact and I believe I am visited by my ancestors on both sides of my family, but only by the women.
Last year my father’s Tongan grandmother came to visit me in a vision, she explained that my father’s paternal Solomon Island bloodline had descended from slaves and that incredible violence had been handed down father to son as a result of the injustices and violation of enslavement through blackbirding, history especially a violent history, plays a cruel hand for its descendants.
I no longer feel anguish, or hurt or pain, I have changed my destiny beyond all expectations.
I do however feel forgiveness as I face a painful past and finally lay it rest.
My thoughts go out to my siblings in New Zealand as they bury their father tomorrow, grief is the price of love and for them this is a very sad time. I shall come visit one day soon and they can take me to our father’s grave.
As New Years Eve approaches us tomorrow it is time to put pen to paper my thoughts on the last 12 months and prepare to say farewell to 2022.
For me 2022 was a fabulous year full of many wonderful memories, unlike the vicious beast that was 2021, 2022 renewed my faith in the future.
Our world is slowly returning to some sort of normalcy after two terrifying years of COVID and lockdowns and isolation, but we pulled through.
With any wish, much like a prayer we should always begin with gratitude, I am so grateful for the love and support or my friends, loved ones, allies and family. I am nothing but the reflection and the sum of my friends and allies. I am truly blessed to be surrounded by some of the most loving, generous and kind people who have supported, advised and mentored me and given me love, strength and encouragement through 2022. People do not tell you they hate you, they just try to block you at every turn; the opposite is true of people who love you, we are elevated, strengthened and protected by our friends and as we say goodbye to 2022 I would like to give thanks to the universe for delivering unto me angels on Earth who I am so proud to call my friends. I am surrounded by love and I feel it and I am so grateful for this blessing.
I turned 50 this year, much against my will but unfortunately there are things that even I cannot control. Transgender people traditionally don’t live very long so I give thanks to be alive and safe and sound.
My health both physical and mental has become quite pressing of late, my liver function earlier this year was at 50% and I came dangerously close to liver failure. I decided I would rather die than give up my hormones which sent my endocrinologist into a panic but the Endocrine Clinic and the head of the new Trans Clinic at St Vincent’s Hospital found a solution that is not only better for my body but has also improved my health by leaps and bounds both hormonally and biologically and psychologically – my liver function is now almost 90%, my kidney function is now at better levels than non diabetics. This is the second time in two years St Vincent’s Hospital has saved my life so I give thanks to the wonderful staff at St Vincents who keep me healthy.
Due to ill health, financial worries and an uncertain world I became deeply depressed from 2019 though 2020, this is not something I shared but I basically let my world around me unravel and become a chaotic mess in private. I become officially obese at 134kg and a size 22 in a dress. With the immense weight loss and improved health I have been able to overcome my deep depression and have reorganised everything putting everything back in order. I give thanks to my friends and family who unbeknownst to them lifted me up and pulled me out of my depression and gave me an interest to live again. And breathe again.
Many of our friends no longer wished to live this year, I am saddened by their choice to leave us but I hope their anguish is now at peace and I honour their memory as they take their eternal rest.
I am so grateful for my relationship with Camilla, I love being a Camilla girl, it has been a dream and I give thanks to the wonderful Camilla team who have surrounded me in love and beauty, shrouded in such beauty I feel glorious and gorgeous and armed to face the world!
I give thanks to the Poof Doof Family who have stood by me through thick and thin, for the last three years at Ivy we have welcomed Gay Sydney every Saturday night, this New Years Eve is our last, ai am saddened to leave but I look forward to our new home on Oxford Street. I have so enjoyed my time with Poof Doof and give thanks for the wonderful friends and connections I have made with this wonderful team.
2022 has also honoured me with honours… Award nominations, Sydney World Pride Rainbow Champion, BGF Community Ambassador, Qtopia Sydney Pride Museum Board Director, Brand ambassadorships, etc etc. I feel honoured to be bestowed these responsibilities. I am honoured by the recognition and the faith these organisations have in my capabilities. I give thanks for these honours.
My place in the public eye is also changing with a Ladbible episode coming up, an appearance in the controversial Israel Folau documentary soon to be released by ABC, a Channel 9 tv show on ageing released in November, Magazine DNA and Newspaper interviews in The Age and The Sydney Morning Herald, quotes in The Telegraph, radio interviews and even a Melbourne Cup appearance on news channels across Australia.. I have even reprised my showgirl career; only heaven knows what’s coming, I only hope that I’m equipped to navigate the future. I give thanks for this renaissance I am experiencing in the autumn of the journey which we call life.
I am so proud that my trans awareness education is flourishing and is not just in corporate headquarters but has also found its way to sea thanks to P&O… I turned my corporate trans awareness education programme into a glamorous show for the Pride Cruises and they were very well received, who knows where that will take me, but I give thanks for the opportunities and the new horizons.
I am so grateful for 2022, it has been a busy, busy year, full of so many wonderful experiences, opportunities, blessings and new journeys.
I give thanks that 2022 happened, I give thanks for all the beautiful humans who have touched my life this year, I am one grateful Queen.
Let’s look to 2023 with hope and joyful anticipation.
I wish everyone a prosperous year ahead, may all your dreams and hopes come to fruition, may good fortune find you and may the angels keep you safe from harm and danger, from my house to yours, I wish all a very very Happy New Year.
November 2023 has been a particularly busy month for me, with my appearance in two television documentary series The Best 30 Years airing in 9Now and Folau a major 2 part ABC documentary to air November 21 and November 28 on ABC; a four page interview in DNA Magazine; the official launch of Sydney World Pride 2023, important for me as a Sydney World Pride Rainbow Champion; performing my new Trans Awareness Show on board P&O Australia’s inaugural Pride Cruise; the announcement of my new appointment as Bobby Goldsmith Foundation’s newest Community Ambassador; Trans Awareness Presentations at Clifford Chance and Westpac and finally my appearance at Melbourne Cup as a guest of P&O and Mumm in The Elms and The Birdcage Respectively.
I lead a hectic life but I feel blessed to live it. I will need a break but there is no time until January. Because November is not the end of the busy season for me but only the beginning!
I am looking forward to being a part of this debate on Thursday, the debate is Freedom of Speech.
The USU presents: THE UNION DEBATE
Come one, come all, to the night of all nights for the USU union debate. Drawing guests from from all walks of life.
When: Thursday 20th October, doors open 5:30pm
Where: MacLaurin Hall, The University of Sydney
For information about how to get to MacLaurin Hall or its accessibility features click here
Following the event, you are more than welcome to join us at the Courtyard for some light refreshments!
Bri Lee is a Sydney-based author, academic, and activist.
After graduating from the University of Queensland with a Bachelor of Law (Hons) and Arts (Mandarin) degree in 2014, she was admitted to the legal profession early in 2017. Bri then completed an MPhil in Creative Writing and is currently a PhD candidate at the University of Sydney Law School. Her doctoral thesis is about defamation proceedings for ‘public interest’ journalism – a topic she has written and spoken about at length.
Katherine Wolfgramme transitioned over thirty years ago, she is a proud transgender woman of colour with a breadth of knowledge that is unique among other gender-diverse speakers.
Through her engaging storytelling, Katherine shares her experiences as a child born with gender dysphoria, a trans youth, a transgender woman in full bloom, and now a transgender elder, community mother, and Sydney LBGT Community Leader.
Louise Milligan is the author of Witness, The Brutal Cost of Seeking Justice and Cardinal, The Rise and Fall of George Pell.
Her work investigating the history of Catholic Cardinal George Pell – the third most senior figure in the Vatican – for the ABC TV 7.30 program and in Cardinal broke massive international news and led to Louise being a witness in the committal proceeding of Cardinal George Pell. That experience is documented in excoriating detail in Witness, along with the accounts of complainants of sexual crimes who also became witnesses in other trials.
Oliver is a philosophy student at the University of Sydney. In 2022, he was named best speaker at the Australasian debating championships and best judge at the Australian debating championships. In his spare time, he likes watching movies, playing board games, and spending time with his girlfriend’s cat.
Sam Crosby joined SVdP in 2020 after completing his tenure as CEO of the McKell Institute and has worked in senior roles in government, business and the trade union movement.
Previously, Sam served as corporate and government affairs manager for Johnson & Johnson, senior adviser and chief of staff to a number of New South Wales Cabinet ministers, and adviser to former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd during the 2013 election. His experience spans infrastructure, transport, ports, mining, forestry, Treasury, industrial relations and healthcare.
He holds a Bachelor of Economics and Social Sciences with First Class Honours from the University of Sydney and an MBA from the UNSW’s Australian Graduate School of Management. While completing his undergraduate degree, he served as president of the University of Sydney Union and national president of Australian Young Labor.
Sophie Shead is a philosophy honours student at the University of Sydney. She has been a semi-finalist of the Australasian Debating Championships, a grand-finalist of the Australasian Women’s Debating Championships, and has judged and debated in the finals of the World Universities Debating Championships.
Ellie Stephenson is the current Director of Debates at the USU. She is a Australasian top 10 speaker and has spoken in the semi-finals of the World Universities Debating Championships. In addition to studying her honours in political economy, she edits the University of Sydney student newspaper Honi Soit and is looking forward to being a Chief Adjudicator of the Australasian Debating Championships in November.
In 2020 in a private group on Facebook I warned Mardi Gras Members to be careful of the Pride In Protest group because they try to infiltrate minorities like they were trying to do in my community the transgender community by pretending to be non binary so they could hijack our space to and use important transgender dates such as Transgender Day of Remembrance as a vehicle and sheild to protest other things such as their hatred for the police.
In retaliation Pride in Protest took a screenshot of that statement and turned it into a completely different narrative claiming I was “Transphobic and Racist” and also claiming I rejected the idea of non binary people existing also claiming I shamed trans victims of sexual assault – of course this was a lie, but many small groups believed this lie without fact checking its validity and and signed petitions demanding my resignation from boards and organisations I was affiliated with – some of the signatories were people I considered friends.
The organisations’ lawyers advised me to stay silent because even though they understood these allegations were unfounded and untrue any conversation would enflame the situation.
I sought legal advice and my lawyers found I had a defamation case against the Pride In Protest group but because they were not registered I could only charge the ring leaders individually. When I went to find the ring leaders I was shocked to see how young they were, teenagers and early twenty year olds still in university. In the end I decided not to press charges because the optics were not in my favour.
There was also a conversation among Queer identifying academics around the problem with cancel culture:
There were also a few obvious and jarring issues, Pride In Protest claimed they believed in protecting black transgender women and elders yet they were in fact using lateral violence against me a black transgender woman and trans elder, but less than a year later the masterminds behind the smear campaign were accused of being racist and transphobic themselves as seen in this open letter from Pride In Protest Melbourne and signed by community members.
This was the very first time in my life I have been publicly lied about and also my first experience of the toxicity of cancel culture, this Pride In Protest came dangerously close to destroying me by a smear campaign, fortunately for me my decades of transgender advocacy and kindness diminished their campaign against me.
BUT had they succeeded the transgender community would have lost a successful advocate who has created positive impacts for the transgender community nationally.
I have personally succeeded where their protests have failed, an example of this was when Pride In Protested picketed the Head Offices of New Corp Australia in protest of the anti transgender column Gender Issues in The Australian Newspaper, their protest was noisey but ineffective, however I took legal action against the media outlet and won in conciliation. My action was the catalyst to remove the column Gender Issues – and here in lies an example the problem of Cancel Culture.
The lie that Pride In Protest tried to use against me has since perpetuated and occasionally pops up on social media, but I have decided it is time to put a stop to it once and for all. I have decided to take legal action against anyone who decides to perpetuate the lie that I am phobic or hate non binary people because it’s just not true. My close friends who are non binary can attest to this.
I will no longer be patient with slander and defamation online by any member or past member of Pride In Protest because lying about anyone is fundamentally wrong and I refuse to allow this negativity to perpetuate anymore and will happily send out Cease and Desist letters before I take legal action, I live my life openly and honestly and I demand people talk about me with honesty too, not through a bias lens or hypothetical reinterpretation of what they think I have said or a manipulation of a truth to turn it into a lie, this is toxic and I have had enough.
I have written this piece because my truth is going to set me free, I refuse to be imprisoned by hate and the toxicity of Cancel Culture based in a perpetuated lie created to degrade and silence me.
I have two fathers, the one who is biological that I never speak of and the one I was raised with, the only one I ever mention in conversation.
My mother was so ashamed I was transgender she could not stand the sight of me and tried to give me away at every opportunity since I was around 5 years old.
After spending most of my childhood with my great grandparents when I was 12 I was sent to live with my biological father in New Zealand, he was a stranger to me but I held a letter from my mother disowning me and giving my birth father full guardianship of me. The second letter said I was bad and I faked my debilitating migraines to get out of school and I was gay and to straighten me out.
I spent a year with this physically abusive man who tried to beat my transsexuality out of me..
After a year he gave up and sent me back to my great grandparents.
When I was 14 my mother sent me again to live with my birth father but this time he was in Fiji, but mother lied to my great grandparents and myself because she had not written to my birth father at all so I arrived as an unwanted and unwelcomed surprise.
Once a month for nearly two years I was beaten by him, broken noses, black eyes and bodily bruises, he told me I would be an ugly woman, everyone would hate me, that I would end up on the streets, that everyone would laugh at me and I was the shame of everyone, his abuse was always followed by justifications and remorse, once when everyone thought I would die from an illness he cried at my bedside asking me to forgive him, he and his mother and siblings were very cruel to me because they also resented my mothers kailoma family and by extension me.
Try as he might he could not beat my transsexuality out of me, because binary transgender people like me will die for our gender.
When he fled back to New Zealand during the coup I refused to leave Fiji because I knew I would be trapped in that continuous cycle of violence and abuse. He seemed greatly relieved and didn’t force the issue, he was happy to leave me behind with his extended family, I was only 15.
Once he left I wrote to my Nana and Grandpa in Melbourne who flew me back to them.
My biological father is dying. He has advanced cancer of the oesophagus and has only a short time left to live.
My half siblings in New Zealand would like me to come and say goodbye to this man that I still do not really know, but I think the kindest thing for me to do at the end of his life is stay away because I don’t trust what words may come out of my mouth. Let him die in peace. Maybe once he has gone I can forgive him.
After that I shall go to New Zealand to see my half siblings and finally meet their spouses and their children, even though they have wanted to see me, I haven’t wanted to go whilst he is alive.
I guess I am writing this piece because I hope it gives understanding as to why my belief in myself is unshakable and why I advocate so strongly for transgender children and the parents who support them – I also write this to shake this sadness from my mind because of all the memories that have been suddenly unlocked as I have been thinking about it a lot since my brother wrote me the sad news a few weeks ago.
I don’t wish my biological father any harm but I still cannot find the space to forgive him, I pray he will rest in peace when his time comes but I cannot face the man who shook me to my very foundation.
Both my parents would like to make amends for the past, but it is I who cannot forgive them, parents have one duty and that is to love and to protect, and they both failed me. They made my transsexuality about them and did not care about my welfare.
I may have thought I had forgiven them but when I look upon my nephews and nieces with so much love in my heart, I am angered, because when I look at the children I’m constantly astonished by what was done to me in my innocence through neglect and violence both mental and physical, yet despite them I survived and I flourished with thanks to my great grandparents in Melbourne who kept me safe and even in death continue to give me strength through their values and teachings.
Being transgender is an innate sense of being that we can neither help nor overcome and we have survived despite great sacrifice and suffering, I am so happy an understanding is opening so future generations of transgender children can live safer and happier lives.
I write this in the hope that my truth will set me free, perhaps my truth will help someone else reading this too.
I am proud to announce I am now officially a Board Director at Qtopia Sydney, the people behind Sydney’s new Pride Museum.
It is an honour to serve on the board of this important legacy, the museum will be a love letter, a love letter to the past, a love letter from the past and our love letter to the future.
For that is what we have fought for, the right to love ourselves and the right to be loved and the right to love others.
Led by our Patrons The Hon Michael Kirby AC CMG and Ita Buttrose AC OBE, we share a common goal and an absolute desire to deliver our objectives, under the stewardship of our founding Board. It is our intention to expand the Board over the next twelve months to ensure comprehensive representation of our community.
WHAT WE WANT TO ACHIEVE
A current pandemic has provided a poignant reminder that life is precious.
The generation that bravely fought the AIDS crisis in the 1980s are our Living Treasures and recording their stories is essential.
In doing so, we will create a welcoming and inclusive space devoted to the memory, education and celebration of our unique and diverse histories, to protect, respect and extend the equality of future LGBTQIA+ lives.
WHAT WILL QTOPIA LOOK LIKE IN 5 YEARS TIME?
A thriving financially successful Museum of Education, Memory and Celebration
A proven space of education with individuals, schools and corporate groups visiting the museum,
A thriving entertainment venue with a theatrette providing educational talks during the day and artistic performances by Queer artists during the evening. This will also provide other sources of revenue by having a café/bar attached to the theatrette.
It will be included in all major Sydney tourist brochures.
There will be constant temporary exhibitions funded by outside individuals/organisations.
It was a pleasure and an honour to speak at Powerhouse Museum’s LGBT Vivid Sydney event on a panel hosted by Australian Broadcasting Corporation’s Jeremy Fernandez with the Honourable Michael Kirby, David Polson and Shane Sturgiss to discuss the future endeavours of Qtopia Sydney, Sydney’s very own Pride Museum.
I am very proud to be associated with this important venture.
Today I’m speaking at BNP Paribas HQ in Martin Place, my transgender awareness presentation will be broadcast to the head offices across the APAC region including China, Japan, Malaysia, Singapore, India and Indonesia as well as France and America.
BNP Parabis is the largest bank in Europe and one of the top 10 banks on the planet.
Aside from China I have spoken at all the top 10 banks in the world, I feel very privileged that my transgender awareness programs are able to reach so many countries in this way.
It was such a great pleasure to deliver a trans awareness presentation to TransPerfect Legal Solutions and TransPerfect this afternoon to Australia and New York via Zoom.
TransPerfect Legal Solutions (TLS) empowers legal professionals to leverage AI, analytics and multi-language technology across e-discovery, forensic consulting, due diligence, privacy, managed review and staffing projects. TLS delivers software and service solutions to every Am Law 200 and Global 100 firm, and the majority of Fortune 500 corporate legal departments. Founded in 1992, TLS has a worldwide presence with over 100 offices and a global team of legal experts. TLS’s quality-focused, consultative approach is supported by a vast network of resources with proven success in solutions engineering, problem solving, and delivering a complete partnership that clients can trust.
I have become everything I wished I could be when I was a young boy, that’s quite an amazing thought. That poor unhappy unhappy child with gender dysphoria has became one of the happiest women in the world.
Gender dysphoria became gender euphoria.
And when I look back on that photo and remember how so deeply unhappy I was, I am filled with such love for him, and I wish with all of my heart I could reach back and show him everything will be ok, I cry for that boy because I cannot comfort him or protect him from the horrors ahead. I cry with happiness as I write this because we cannot change our past, but I stand before you as living testament that I was able to change my future.
Who I am now, has finally embraced who I was – because if he never wished me into existence, I would not be here today.
I stand by what I said, though the policy is flawed it is also a huge step forward for the Catholic Church to acknowledge gender dysphoria and also acknowledge the need to protect and respect children with gender dysphoria. This is a brave move for such a conservative church system and I commend the Arch Diocese of Sydney for supporting this new policy especially in these most troubled times when dirty politics is once again using transgender people to scare voters.
Though behind a paywall, the whole article can be found online here.
I am appearing in a feature ABC documentary about a controversial public figure, at the moment I am unable to speak about the subject because the film is in it’s production phase, but the filming took place last week at St Andrew’s College at Sydney University.
I am very grateful to be able to contribute to this documentary and to be given a voice on the subject of transphobia and the negative consequences of religious beliefs when misused by public figures.
There is a Vogue Ballroom Scene in Australia who’s roots come from The USA, it is difficult for me to explain so I will quote directly from Wikipedia
“Ball culture, drag ball culture, the house-ballroom community, the ballroom scene or ballroom culture and similar terms describe a young African-American and Latino underground LGBTQ+ subculture that originated in New York City. Beginning in the late 19th century, members of the underground LGBTQ+ community in large cities began to organize their own cross-dressing masquerade balls, both in opposition to laws that banned individuals from wearing clothes associated with the opposite gender and earlier cross-dressing balls that, while racially integrated for the participants, were usually led and judged by white people.Attendees dance, vogue, walk, pose, perform, lip-sync, and model in numerous drag and performance competition categories for trophies and prizes. Many participants in ball culture also belong to groups known as “houses”, where chosen families of friends live in households together, forming relationships and communities similar to their families of origin from which they may be estranged”
The Overall Mother and founder of Vogue Ballroom in Australia is Bhenji Ra and Bhenji is also Overall Mother of House of Slè.
The founders or leader of each House is called Mother, their second is called God Mother and all the members of the House are called her Children and her Family.
I am not an expert in Drag Ball Culture or the world of Voguing.
But I happened to meet the curator of the pinnacle event of the House Ballroom Community in Australia – The Sissy Ball, her name is Kilia Pahulu also Godmother of The House of Slé, we talked about The Sissy Ball, and I was saying to her that I had done just about everything there was to do and I was looking for a new adventure and she said simply “Why don’t you open a House?”, taken aback I was lost for words but she went on “You have so many children” and like a flash of light an idea was planted.
I was unsure about it, so I asked a young boy whom I feel very maternal towards what he thought and he started crying, telling me it would mean so much to him if I opened a house, I asked another young person, a non binary friend who said with love and emotion that they would be honoured to join my house. This made realise, though I did not quite understand what a House entailed, it was important to the children of my community, and I am after all a community mother, so establish a House I shall!
So as soon as I got home at 3am I registered The House of Darling.
Darling is a gorgeous word, I call all my loved ones darling and everyone calls me darling too, not just that, the heart of Gay Sydney is Darlinghurst and my House’s residence is Universal Hotel on Oxford St in Darlinghurst. So I will be Mother Darling, and all the members of my House will be my Darlings! We call people we like and love darling and Darling is a name that will live on even if I decided to retire or expire..
The chosen family is formed with love
I love my chosen family, my gay family, we are not related by blood but feelings of love unite us and connect us, so I guess bringing everyone under my House is just officiating what we feel already. Not everyone will compete, a select few will represent our house in competitions while many of us will work in the background to guide and protect and establish The House of Darling’s name and good reputation for longevity.
Community Development is one of my many interests, so for myself it makes perfect sense to me to gather a group of the loved ones and establish a House, because in essence I’m creating a community and I will work towards strengthening other House communities through my House.
The House of Darling will be unique because it will be the very first Inner City House, certainly the very first Eastern Suburbs House and the first Sydney Structured House. It will be unique in that a prerequisite of membership is voluntary community service within LGBT Community several times a year and also a responsibility to help open doors for the other Houses…anyway I digress..
The following week, I contacted Kilia to express my interest, and to also acknowledge I know nothing and that I wanted to establish my house in a respectful way so as not to offend any other Houses in Australia or their Mothers, and Lia dropped the BOMB -to legitimise my House respectfully I would need to present myself to all the other Houses and their Mothers at the Sydney Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras 2022 Sissy Ball at the Sydney Town Hall in one week!
The problem with me and things that I believe are important is that I will do whatever it takes especially if it is within my power to do it to get something done, regardless of consequence.
So even though I knew nothing about voguing, thenHouse Ballroom Scene or their community, I prepared myself for my presentation to the other Houses. I am a retired showgirl, drag shows were one of the very few employment options open to transgender women once upon a time so at least I was not a virgin to the stage but I was still incredibly nervous about my presentation.
My wardrobe was thankfully not an issue, I am dressed by Camilla for all special events, a beautiful not yet released kaftan was selected for me to wear wear already, I just needed to go a little bit extra, thankfully Monique Kelly a legend of Les Girls the most famous Drag Show in Australian History, of which I am an alumni, lent me the most breathtaking black lace and bead encrusted cape I had ever seen and I wore one of my own floral crown creations from my label Katherine Wolfgramme Handmade, I must say, I looked spectacular – but I was still nervous and I couldn’t back down because I had to establish my House for my Chosen Family.
It took courage for me to go into a world unfamiliar to me, but life is live by the brave, and by golly gosh, I have always had guts.
I was presented at the very opening of the Sissy Bally, my presentation to the other Houses was during the LSS aka Legend Statement Stars and it was the perfect way to be introduced to all the other Houses in Australia. The reason why I am considered a legend within the ballroom culture is because I’m a transgender woman of colour who first performed on stage over thirty years ago and also am considered one the longest reigning queen of colour anywhere in Australia.. I never thought that, that’s how I’m perceived among the queens of colour within the Australian LGBT Community. Here is a video of my entrance.